We’ve seen some truly unhinged things happen in American politics over the last decade. We’ve watched a sitting president lose a debate so badly that his own party quietly escorted him out of the race like a drunk uncle at a wedding. We watched a man get impeached over a phone call. But this week might take the cake, because Hunter Biden — yes, *that* Hunter Biden — has officially entered the Democratic political consulting business, and his first big endorsement is California Governor Gavin Newsom, who he called the party’s “greatest warrior.”

Let that marinate for a second. The guy who left a laptop full of incriminating evidence at a Delaware repair shop because he apparently forgot it existed, the guy who was photographed smoking parmesan cheese off a carpet because he thought it was something else, the guy whose own father had to issue a last-minute presidential pardon to keep him out of federal prison — *that guy* — is now telling Democrats who should lead them into 2028. And his answer is Hair Gel Hitler. You cannot make this stuff up. Hollywood screenwriters would reject this script for being too on the nose.

In a new interview making the rounds this week, Hunter told reporters he’s “disappointed” in much of the Democratic Party. And honestly? Same, Hunter. We’re disappointed in them too, just for completely different reasons. Hunter’s disappointed because they aren’t fighting hard enough. We’re disappointed because they spent four years turning the country into a dumpster fire and then acted surprised when voters handed them a fire extinguisher shaped like Donald Trump.

But here’s the real comedy gold — Hunter didn’t just casually mention Newsom. He went full political analyst mode, calling the California governor the Democrats’ “greatest warrior” and essentially anointing him as the future of the party. This is a man whose primary qualification for political commentary is being the son of a president who couldn’t find his way off a stage. But sure, let’s hear his thoughts on party strategy.

And who does he pick? Gavin Newsom. The man who presided over the complete collapse of California while dining at the French Laundry during his own COVID lockdowns. The governor who watched San Francisco turn into an open-air drug market and tent city and said, “This is fine.” The guy who drove so many businesses and taxpayers out of his state that U-Haul literally ran out of trucks heading east. *That’s* the greatest warrior?

Let’s talk about what Newsom actually “warriors” for. Under his watch, California became the nation’s leader in homelessness, with over 180,000 people living on the streets. His answer was to throw billions of dollars at the problem, and somehow the problem got worse. Gas prices in California regularly hit six and seven dollars a gallon while the rest of the country was paying three. Crime got so bad that retailers started locking up toothpaste and deodorant like they were controlled substances. People were shoplifting flat-screen TVs in broad daylight because Newsom’s policies made it a misdemeanor to steal anything under $950.

But according to Hunter Biden, political strategist extraordinaire, this is exactly the kind of leadership the Democratic Party needs on a national scale. Take the California model — the one that’s hemorrhaging population for the first time in state history — and apply it to all fifty states. Brilliant. What could go wrong?

The timing of this endorsement is almost too perfect. Newsom has been doing everything short of printing “Newsom 2028” bumper stickers for the last year. He’s been touring swing states, picking fights with Republican governors, and generally acting like a man who thinks the presidency is just a better hair day away. And now he’s got the coveted Hunter Biden endorsement, which in Democratic circles apparently still means something.

Here’s what we know about the modern Democratic Party based on this little episode: they are so completely out of ideas, so thoroughly bankrupt of credible voices, that a pardoned felon with a history of substance abuse and shady foreign business deals is being treated as a serious political voice. Hunter Biden isn’t a political strategist. He’s a cautionary tale. He’s the “after” photo in a PSA about what happens when you combine privilege, zero accountability, and a father willing to torch his own legacy to keep you out of a jumpsuit.

And Newsom? Newsom is exactly the kind of candidate you’d expect a Biden to endorse. All style, no substance. Great hair, terrible results. A man who can deliver a TED Talk about equity and inclusion while his state burns — literally, every single wildfire season — and the people who actually live there can’t afford a one-bedroom apartment.

So congratulations, Gavin. You’ve been endorsed by Hunter Biden. Hang that on the wall right next to your French Laundry receipt and your recall petition. The Democratic Party’s greatest warrior has been chosen by the Democratic Party’s greatest liability.

We’ll be watching this disaster unfold from a safe distance. Preferably from a state with affordable housing and functioning law enforcement.