Talk about a mixed message! The Democratic National Convention always tends to be a bit on the schizophrenic side, but this year’s DNC has to take the cake. On the one hand, the Dems and their media lapdogs are holding Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz up as “America’s Dad.” Being a father, as embodied by the totally masculine and not-at-all fruity Tim Walz, is the greatest role that a man can aspire to in life. On the other hand, they’d appreciate it if all the young men at the DNC convention would step into this panel van out back so they can be neutered.
If you think we’re kidding about the “America’s Dad” nickname, check out some of these hilarious headlines from our so-called news media:
MSNBC: “This is America’s dad.”
NPR: “‘Midwestern Nice’ and ‘Fun Dad’ posts abound after Tim Walz is named VP pick.”
Newsweek: “Is Tim Walz ‘America’s Dad’? Women on TikTok See Father Figure in VP Pick.”
Washington Post: “How the internet cast Tim Walz as America’s Midwestern dad.”
The Atlantic: “Dad is on the ballot.”
We could keep going, but you get the idea. There are a lot of those headlines floating around out there.
You have to give the Democrats a little bit of credit, though. Tim Walz does appear to be the biological father of his own children, which is rare for a Democrat politician. Nobody ever called Barack Obama “America’s Dad.” Come to think of it, no one has ever produced a real picture of Michelle pregnant.
Before Obama, the last Democrat president was Bill Clinton. Nobody ever confused him with “America’s Dad,” either. There were always questions swirling around about the real parentage of Chelsea. Plus, what about that poor young man in Arkansas that Bill fathered with a black prostitute? Bill has never acknowledged that young man as his biological son. So, he was never a great example of what the Democrats could hold up as a father.
Tim Walz, on the other hand, is at least the biological father of his kids. Sort of. The kids definitely look like Tim and Gwen, so we’re not questioning that. Since Tim Walz is the one who brought this up, however, we do have to comment on the manner in which the kids were conceived.
It’s not as if Tim and Gwen conceived their kids the old-fashioned way. They didn’t have a little too much wine to drink one evening while listening to an “Earth, Wind, and Fire” album and having a tumble on the couch. It was more of a turkey baster situation with the help of a medical professional in the room.
Still…
America’s Dad!
Right?
So, how do the Democrats square the circle of praising fatherhood—as embodied by Tim Walz—with setting up a van in the back parking lot and inviting young male attendees to come get a vasectomy?
The answer is that they don’t try to explain the inconsistencies. The Democrats throw everything out there to try to appeal to as many low-info voters as possible and hope that no one notices the totally schizophrenic nature of their messaging. Hence, they can hold up Tim Walz as the pinnacle of masculine virtue and let young men aspire to be a father just like him, while also encouraging them to go to the van in the back alley where they can get the ol’ snippety-snip.
In fairness, we’re 99% sure this is not the first time that Tim Walz has lured young males into a panel van.